“Mr. Showtime Strikes Again”

What say you? Would you say that your small heart has grown three times bigger today. Would you also have me believe that you will return all the tar-tinkers, jin-tinglers, and the gar-dinkers!? Would you even sit down and carve the roast beast?

Nay! Not on this day, nor any other for that matter. In your last post you solemnly extended a hand in purported good faith. Yet, I knew too well, that the other was twisted behind your back with fingers crossed. You are transparent. You will not change. You will forever remain a huckster, a shyster, a Mr. Slickster full of malevolence and evil intent.

So, it came as no surprise that you would slink & slither to the depths of your next feeble endeavour—attempting to have me banished from the league. This is without question the work of one sorry sot. The petition does not even have a seal of approval from the league itself. Hah! Even more heinous and flagrant is the fact that the signatures on it themselves are forgeries!

This is the most scandalous act you have perpetrated yet! Do with it as you will “Showtime.” It only amuses me. We are all witnesses to your cantankerous behavior. And you only bear further your true being with each preposterous act you take.

It troubles me little that you are sinking to these futile desperate measures. In fact I must now turn to more pressing matters that does have something of value (unlike your meritless petition) & that you have proven yourself time & again unworthy of—I now must begin preparing for a playoff game.

Signed by: The Two Shirts

PS: You’re a bad banana with a…greasy black peel!

Oh So Im the one that has “The Take Over Attitudue” U C Here everyone this honest man “if we can call him a man” has no spine of his own he has mentioned to me multipule times. That I should start up my own League a rival League to this 1. Now does that sound like something a Honest man like this one would do? U C I may be transparent but, U Sir are just down right Invisible No one even knew Who U where in this league until U decided to pick on Me. Cuz even though U have made some awesome moves U need Carson palmer to throw an INT. with 45 secs. left in the game So that would mean U where routing for the Packers???? What are u not a viking fan??? U C this guy flip flops. He has No loyalty towards anything. Sooner or later he will go turn his back on the rest of us like he has to everything elese in his way. Also I love he had to delete his message below what Cat got your tounge U C U yourself even admitted in this message that U need to start worrying about the playoff this game this week but instead U have to Herasse a poor teams owner. thats a sighn of a good owner there Not!!!!!! U worry about your team not me Im a Man I dont need a baby sitter unlike you. Also I will admit I have thought of starting a rival league, I have said give me three years & I’ll run this league, I have said our Commish cant handle this league, I am white, I am a poor owner, I do suck at drafting good players, I do try to start stuff, I enjoy pushing people to the brink, I am a weak man, I also did make this 2 shirts so if he is weak I am on life support Now Brule’s Rules U tell these people something they dont know about me!!!!!!

I AM SHOWTIME, I Am Corey Czekalski, I am a Winner not like this Loser!!!!!

The Daily Bugle-Where Serious News is Taken Seriously (for the most part)

December 16, 2011

(This is a transcript, for the most part, of a sit down conversation we had with “Flea Flicker Commissioner & Director of the Oversights Committee & Other Important Stuff”—SS Jackson.)

Reporter HJ: Hi, Mr. Jackson, we’re glad you had the time to break away from your busy day to chat with us.

SS Jackson: No problem at all, glad to be here.

HJ: Let’s get right to it. We, at The Bugle, are aware that there are several situations involving certain team owners of the Chris Collinsworth/Tom Brady Stroke Fest League (CCTBSFL) that has warranted your attention. Is it true that you are considering imposing sanctions on any of those involved?

SS: To be honest, we are still at the investigatory phase of the investigation. But we do have some credible sources that have come forth, and some highly unreliable sources, (we take them under consideration either way), with information that may indeed cause us to impose various penalties.

HJ: Could you first address the matter concerning the recall petitions within the CCTBSFL?

SS: Of course. Yes, there does seem to be an unauthorized use of a recall petition by a one Mr. Showtime within that league. From my understanding no one within my department has authorized it, nor does it seem to be taken seriously by any other owner within that league. Regardless we, within the Oversights Committee, must take it seriously. It is a obvious direct violation of about 5 or 10 of our rules. So it’s highly likely that some severe sanctions for this unsanctioned act will be imposed.

HJ: I must ask, if most of the members within that league did not take it seriously and it will not be legally binding in any way, then why did you authorize the use of the “Petition of the Petition Form” by Mr. Two Shirts?

SS: How’s that? (looking a little bewildered) Um, look, we have many forms around here and there may have been an oversight of some sort.

HJ: But isn’t that, in fact, what you are obliged to do as the Director of the Oversights Committee? To prevent oversights?

SS: What’s that? (At this point he asked that we take a break and not touch on this subject again)

(5 minutes later….)

HJ: Let’s discuss another matter within the CCTBSFL. It has come to our attention, at The Daily Bugle, that there is a heated debate between Mr. Showtime and a Mr. Two Shirts over the formers usage of the initials “CC”, which Mr. Shirts claims stands for Cadillac Class. Mr. Shirts is protesting his use of them, because he has displayed a lack of class in every way imaginable within the league. What’s your stance on this?

SS: Well, we have taken a look at this as well, but our stance is, is that this is an inter-league issue. It must be resolved within, by the league’s Commissioner Raji Alowairdi or within their league’s court system.

HJ: Their league’s “court” system?

SS: Usually, what this means, is that there’s a league wide vote. Yet, there are other forms of court systems at their disposal as well. But let me say this at this time. I strongly advise and urge that Commish Alowairdi takes the necessary steps to insure that Mr. Showtime is stripped of his right to use these initials, if he refuses to discontinue their use.

HJ: You appear to feel very passionately about this. Please explain.

SS: Well, legally, we have no jurisdiction over matters such as this. But personally I am, let’s say, rather troubled by it. The integrity of team names and team initials is at stake here. And that is something I don’t take lightly. Mr. Shirts just seems to be trying to protect the sanctity of team names and team initials. I find that a very virtuous endeavor. Listen, I wouldn’t allow someone to diminish the integrity of my initials!

HJ: Why do you feel that the integrity of anyone’s initials is so important, when your initials stand for Shitty Slacks?

SS: Yes, that’s correct, but I don’t understand your point. Listen I’m not going to sit here and answer absurd questions. Let’s keep things on the up and up, OK, otherwise we can end this interview now.

HJ: Of course, of course. But I was just trying to point out…

SS: (waving dismissively with his hand) Let me stop you right there. All I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t want, by association with someone else’s name, to have my good name being dragged through the gutter. (Mr. Shits said.)

HJ: Let’s move on.

SS: Yes, there is something even more disturbing going on within that league right now. Something that seems to be an attempt to strike at the moral fabric of all fantasy football operations…(Shitty Slacks abruptly stopped and appeared to begin trembling)

HJ: Please go on!

SS: (Shits, remained hesitant, as if trying to hold something back) OK, this will eventually get out anyway. We aren’t exactly sure what’s going on within that league, but we believe there is some type of covert operation. It seems to be an attempt at a coup. We can’t be sure because we haven’t been able to crack their code yet. But we have our best people on it right now and they’ve been able to at least make out something about a “takeover”, “rival”, and “pushing people to the brink.” Our threat level is at 5 right now.

HS: Have you considered the possibility that it might mean something different?

SS: (Shits face contorted in a grimace and said) Of course, of course. Some of our staffers think they are nothing but chicken scratches. Literally! To my untrained eye it actually looks as though some type of animal just picked up a pen and tried to write with it. Again we take all matters seriously, so we’re going to keep the threat level at “Red” anyway.

HS: I thought you said it was at level 5?

SS: (Shits became rather anxious, shuffled about in his seat, and grunted…) I don’t know what’s going on here. But something is starting to smell pretty funny around here.

HS: Sure is.

SS: Hey! I don’t know what your driving at. But I don’t like this line of questioning one bit. I suggest we take a quick break and if you continue with this line of questioning I’ll be done with this interview (With that he hurriedly got up and scuttled out of the room.)

(30 minutes later…SS returned, sat down, crossed his legs and frowned. But neither spoke to each other for quite a period of time.)

SS: (Shits broke the silence first.) I don’t want to this to come out wrong. I’m just trying to find the right words for what I’m going through right now.

HS: Please go on.

SS: Well, first I feel as though this conversation is starting to digress quite a bit. And there are more important things I must attend to really.

HS: Can you tell us anything about it?

SS: Sure I’ll try. I’ve just received a phone call from the Oversight Committee of Formal Men’s Wear, with whom I brought some charges up against the Levi Strauss Company.

HS: What’s the dispute about? Please go on…

SS: (Shits hesitated, winced and expected the worst) OK. If you promise to be reasonable. Well as the initials “CC” has been dragged through the mud, my good name has been also by Levi, Inc. I suppose that’s why I feel so passionately about this whole name branding issue.

HS: Do you feel that you will win this dispute?

SS: (He appeared to be more relieved, as he tooted) Really hard say, but I don’t think so. Look I really don’t want to air my dirty laundry, so I’ll just say that it’s starting to aggravate me more than you know. These things never look messy from the outside, but I assure you they are. I know how these matters are usually handled. They usually come to a head, remain unresolved and then are pushed back down to some lower level district.

HS: Would you say that it’s got you all pooped out?

SS: Alright, I warned you! I’ve had enough of this! (With that he got up with a jolt, sighed and stomped out of the room in obvious frustration.)

Summation/Editorial On the Aforementioned Cases:

Let me leave you with this little nugget. In this humble reporter’s opinion filthy business such as this in the Chris Collinsworth/Tom Brady Stroke Fest League rarely stays bound up within the system as Mr. Jackson suggests. Usually there is some type of outcome.

I’ve seen it one too many times before. First both sides of a suit start out by tightening up their belts, as they see the briefs they have filed, become suspended. But inevitably both sides always begin to weaken and there’s a quick break, that brings about some type of financial settlement. Usually split right down the middle. 50/50.

Hugh Jass, (Johnny-On-the-Spot Roving Reporter)

“Blow The Trumpets: A Prestigious Award Must Be Awarded”

From: “Flea Flicker Commissioner & Director of the Oversights Committee & Other Important Stuff” Shitty Slacks Jackson

To: Commissioner of the “Chris Collinsworth/Tom Brady Stroke Fest League” Raji Alowairdi

Hear! Hear! Commish Alowairidi you were correct. An award should be presented to Mr. Showtime. But exactly what type of medal should be bestowed upon such an individual? He most certainly has provided us with a performance for the ages this year in some way. Now let’s see…

* The Medal of Honor? (Honor!? Next please! And quick before I elaborate on this asinine suggestion.)

* A Pulitzer Gold Medal? (An award for literary excellence!? In utter indignation I refute this suggestion using the writing stylizations of Mr. Showtime himself: “Know! Know! Know!”)

* Distinguished Service Medal? (Me thinks we’re getting closer—he certainly has distinguished himself in some way.)

Actually though, I’m afraid we’re entirely on the wrong track. It’s more than obvious none of these will do at all. We simply need to create a new medal to honor someone of his ilk.

Thus I give you…”The Distinguished Medal for Pissin’ ‘N’ Moanin’”

Yes, I believe that will do quite nicely. And, as this is the first ever presentation of the award, the medal itself will be embossed with the likeness of the individual for whom it was created.

Let it be known from this day forth, from sea to shining sea, that any sniveling, whining scallywag has much to live up to. This will not be an annual award. No, the award will only be presented in future years to those who, like Mr. Showtime, have distinguished themselves extraordinarily in the field of bellyaching—bellyaching above and beyond the belief of any rational man.

The award may be presented at anytime of your convenience. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely—SS Jackson

(Note: In no way does this express the thoughts of Mr. Two Shirts, who, after repeated questioning about the legitimacy of awarding this medal to Mr. Showtime, refused to cooperate due to the truce the two are currently in.)

CC_Showtime